I'm not sure what irritates me more about Gov. Mitt Romney's response in last night's presidential debate as he attempted to answer a question from an audience member about equity in the workforce for women. It a toss up between his "binders full of women" comment or the fact that he expects me to go home and make dinner.
Here's the portion of his answer I'm calling into question: “And – and so we – we took a concerted effort to go out and find women
who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our
cabinet. I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us
find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women. Now one of the reasons I was able to get so many good women to be
part of that team was because of our recruiting effort. But number two,
because I recognized that if you’re going to have women in the workforce
that sometimes you need to be more flexible. My chief of staff, for
instance, had two kids that were still in school.”
He continued, saying that his chief of staff couldn’t work late
because she had to be home “making dinner” and “being with them when
they get home from school.”
First off, Mr, Romney, if you can't find women who want to work with you, that says a boatload, especially because women have been playing key roles in politics for quite some time now.
But I attribute his perspective to the fact that Mr. Romney is the father of sons. Obviously he lacks knowledge of what it takes to raise a daughter. Not just raise a daughter, but instill in her confidence, strength, independence, and intelligence. As the father of five boys, Mr. Romney is not accustomed to hearing his daughters say they were picked last for neighborhood teams because they were girls. That they have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously at school in math and science classes. Or that we, as adults, can do more than pop out a few kids and make dinner.
Listen, my Republican friend, I work full time. I have a master's degree, which I earned while working full time. I'm a successful writer of more than 20 children's books. I'm a great mom. I volunteer my time for a women's leadership program (thanks, by the way, for giving us a topic to discuss at our next gathering!). And, yes, I can make one awesome porter pot roast that will knock your Brooks Brothers' socks off.
But do not deign to assume that I'm the only one in my house that's raising our son. Don't be so small-minded to think my husband doesn't scrub toilets and wash dishes. That he doesn't pick our son up from day care each day or check in with his teachers. We're a team. We work together. We're equals.
One of the many things that separates Mr. Romney from President Obama is their stance on women and women's issues. Mr. Obama was raised by two strong women. He married a strong, independent woman and is raising two bright daughters that by all accounts are smart, well spoken and well rounded. Being surrounded by women gives one the insight that we are more than capable of making our own decisions.
Mr. Romney, the days of Donna Reed are long gone. You might want to take notice and start giving women the respect they deserve.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Lance, Doping and Duping
I have to confess: I am having conflicting feelings about the latest evidence released by the USADA (United States Anti-Doping Agency) against Lance Armstrong. Like so many, I was never a cycling fan before Armstrong rode onto the scene. In fact, even now I would lose a bet if I had to wager on which month the Tour de France takes place in. But like everyone, I followed his amazing story of survival against the odds, of fighting back from the brink to dominate in one of the world's most grueling physical competitions.
A big part of me wants to believe he is innocent and that his claim that he is the subject of a witch hunt is true. I mean, come on, we all like a success story until the subject get a little too successful. Then we become haters.
I want to believe for someone who survived cancer, who had to poison his body with chemotherapy for a chance at life, wouldn't choose to pollute his body again. That Armstrong is too smart to take that risk. Too thoughtful to make that mistake.
But then again, immortality is a pretty enticing offer. What's a few unethical decisions on the journey to gain notoriety that will last for eternity?
I think it was easy to believe the witch hunt defense, with no real, tangible evidence presented of Armstrong's doping. But now, it's become more difficult for fans to stay loyal amid such an avalanche of testimony by so many of his teammates, including George Hincapie, a well-respected veteran cyclist. It's easier to believe someone as credible as Hincapie then, say Tyler Hamilton and Floyd Landis, both champion riders who have gone after Armstrong for doping, who were both found to be doping after both lied repeatedly about not doping. Hincapie coming forward has a more serious feel to it, a more honest feel. Sadly, a more disappointing feel.
I don't know how Armstrong could possibly explain away the USADA evidence. There is so much of it, so many witness testimonies, that to say it's a conspiracy is giving a lot of people a lot of credit for staying on book. To say it's a smear campaign gets who what? No one's getting a medal for taking down Lance Armstrong. Does anyone want to flaunt that feat?
I think it's time for Armstrong to come clean, to admit his indiscretions, to step up. A heartfelt apology, one good interview with Anderson Cooper or Barbara Walters, followed by a period of laying low will be all it takes for Armstrong to recover. After all, the only thing we love more than hating celebrities is celebrating their comebacks. Just ask Michael Vick.
A big part of me wants to believe he is innocent and that his claim that he is the subject of a witch hunt is true. I mean, come on, we all like a success story until the subject get a little too successful. Then we become haters.
I want to believe for someone who survived cancer, who had to poison his body with chemotherapy for a chance at life, wouldn't choose to pollute his body again. That Armstrong is too smart to take that risk. Too thoughtful to make that mistake.
But then again, immortality is a pretty enticing offer. What's a few unethical decisions on the journey to gain notoriety that will last for eternity?
I think it was easy to believe the witch hunt defense, with no real, tangible evidence presented of Armstrong's doping. But now, it's become more difficult for fans to stay loyal amid such an avalanche of testimony by so many of his teammates, including George Hincapie, a well-respected veteran cyclist. It's easier to believe someone as credible as Hincapie then, say Tyler Hamilton and Floyd Landis, both champion riders who have gone after Armstrong for doping, who were both found to be doping after both lied repeatedly about not doping. Hincapie coming forward has a more serious feel to it, a more honest feel. Sadly, a more disappointing feel.
I don't know how Armstrong could possibly explain away the USADA evidence. There is so much of it, so many witness testimonies, that to say it's a conspiracy is giving a lot of people a lot of credit for staying on book. To say it's a smear campaign gets who what? No one's getting a medal for taking down Lance Armstrong. Does anyone want to flaunt that feat?
I think it's time for Armstrong to come clean, to admit his indiscretions, to step up. A heartfelt apology, one good interview with Anderson Cooper or Barbara Walters, followed by a period of laying low will be all it takes for Armstrong to recover. After all, the only thing we love more than hating celebrities is celebrating their comebacks. Just ask Michael Vick.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Having It All: A Choice, Like So Many Other Things
Women are often
asked if it’s possible to have it all. “All” might encompass a lot of things: a
satisfying marriage, healthy kids, a fulfilling and intellectually challenging
career, solid and fortifying friendships, a purposeful and rewarding life, a
chance to make the world a better place.
At a women’s
leadership event in the spring, I sat on a panel with other professional women
and we were asked the question: Can we have it all? My answer is yes, it just
depends on what your definition of “all” is.
Today’s young
women have unparalleled opportunities. Working at a university, I
see amazing, talented young women doing remarkable things every day. They’re excelling
in what used to be male-dominated fields, like engineering, science and
technology. They’re becoming leaders in every area of industry. But, amazingly,
with all of this growth and excellence, we’re still plagued with idiotic
overtures.
Last week Marisa
Meyer, the newly minted CEO of Yahoo! gave birth to her first child. Her
decision to take a shortened maternity leave was meet with criticism and (gasp,
if you wish) the idea that her personal decision could derail years of work to
mandate maternity leave for women around the country. The idea that one woman’s
decision on the length of her own maternity leave could influence corporate
America and their collective policies on family leave is pretty senseless and
frankly, overly ridiculous.
The real
reaction we should be having as a collective of women is to celebrate her
choice and, maybe more importantly, her ability to make that choice. Good for Ms.
Meyer, who is among very few women who head major corporations. If she’s smart
enough to lead a major entity like Yahoo!, I’m going to assume she can handle
her personal decision making. I’ll put aside my thoughts on the women who have
commented that her sparse time at home will affect her bonding with her child
in favor of saying this: I, too, am a working mother. I drop my son off to
daycare every morning. Because our world centers around him at home, I like
knowing he has a world that’s his. He is learning about friendship. He is
learning to share. He is learning that there is a world beyond his parents. He
is learning that there are other authority figures besides his father and me. He’s
learning independence. And he’s having a great time while learning all of these
things.
But at the end
of the day, we are his parents and he’ll always look to us first, before anyone
else, for a kiss to mend a boo-boo, and for our approval and praise when he
does something wonderful. He’ll even look to us to test the reins of his
independence. Bonding takes place through out a child’s life, not just in the
first few weeks. To imply that Ms. Meyer, or any mother, is doing a disservice
to her child by going back to work too early is a shame. Who deigns to define
“too early” in the first place? I took 10 weeks off when I had my son and it
was damn hard to leave him at daycare the first day—as hard as it would have
been at two weeks or six weeks or six months.
Women have been
fighting for equity for decades, for generations. But if we can’t stop
criticizing ourselves, how can we expect others to give us the respect we
deserve when it comes to making our own decisions? We can’t characterize one
women’s choice as a backward step for us all, not when what we have been fighting
for in the first place is the ability to make our own choices. That’s the
beauty of having the ability to choose: we decide what’s right for us, based on
our lives and our individual situations, not what others deem appropriate for a
situation they have little knowledge or experience with.
As I told the
audience last spring, yes, you can have it all, and your definition of “all”
will change as you get older and you grow wiser and more experienced. It should
change, because your life will change, and it will take you in directions you
never expected. My best advice is to decide your choices based on what you want
and, maybe more importantly, what you don’t want. You know what’s best for you.
Listen to different perspectives, because there is value in others’
experiences. Take the knowledge, use what’s useful, and throw out the rest. Hold
back on making judgments of others. Refuse to comment on when the fray gets a
little too loud. Surround yourself with those who are supportive and
validating, for they will have your back when others seek to tell you your
choice is wrong.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Driving Around In My Automobile
This summer, Matt and I have spent many hours driving Lucas around our neighborhood in the evenings. In addition to "wooing" the little girls up the street, who now ask if they can push him around, he's made several canine friends. Doodleboy, Abbey, and Maverick always come to the sidewalk to say a little hello. It's been fun to see Lucas interact with the neighbors and wave to people walking by. He's gotten good at being a politician: he high fives the guys on our street, smiles at other babies, and gets all cute and flirty with the older ladies. This one might run for office one day!
Monday, September 10, 2012
25 Things I Want My Son To Know
This list was written by Tom Matlack, a blogger who has a pretty great website.
1. It’s harder to take a punch than to throw one.
2. Find the people who make you laugh and follow them around like a golden retriever. Laughing is like a vitamin. You can never get enough of it.
3. A guy who hugs a lot is comfortable in his own skin.
4. Read poetry.
5. There’s nothing wrong with looking at porn, but having sex with someone you care about is a thousand times more fun.
6. When you feel like crying, for joy or out of pain, let 'er rip. If you don’t get those tears out, they will calcify in your chest and make it harder to love as fully and deeply as you would like to.
7. Crank the tunes when you have to clean the house.
8. Look deeply into the eyes of the one you are falling for to get a glimpse of his or her soul.
9. Spend a chunk of time every year with people who are much less fortunate than you are. It will fill your heart with gratitude.
10. Never lie about anything really important. The first lie will cause you to have to lie again and again to cover up the truth. And each time you’ll chip away an important piece of yourself.
11. Find work that makes you happy. If you can change the world in the process all the better.
12. If you get the chance to travel across the country or across the globe, take it. You will learn way more from people who are different from you than the ones who are the same.
13. Doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. But you are going to make mistakes. Tons of them. The real question is what you will learn from them.
14. Don’t be in any rush to get married. Divorce really sucks. A good marriage can start when you’re 21 or 61.
15. There’s nothing wrong with a Cuban cigar once in a while.
16. Money and power look good, but they won’t fill your being with joy the way your family will.
17. If you like guys, I will fight for your ability to have equal rights in every way.
18. Find a way to move your body that gives you pleasure. You don’t have to be an athlete to be a man, but your body is a temple and you need to care for it, enjoy it, and use it to express yourself.
19. Drinking can be fun in moderation. Just make sure to ask for help if you find yourself blacking out or doing things you regret.
20. Radical honesty will get you very far in this world. Most people don’t have the guts to speak their mind, regardless of the consequences.
21. Always give your spouse birthday presents in bed.
22. Find a spirituality that you can wear like a loose coat that keeps you warm no matter the weather. God should provide you comfort not make you feel ashamed of yourself.
23. Sex is great but holding your spouse in the middle of the night is one of the best feelings any guy can have.
24. Live passionately. Dream big. Don’t back down.
25. Always remember I love you, no matter what happens. You cannot lose me. I will always be there.
-- Written by Tom Matlack for The Good Men Project
1. It’s harder to take a punch than to throw one.
2. Find the people who make you laugh and follow them around like a golden retriever. Laughing is like a vitamin. You can never get enough of it.
3. A guy who hugs a lot is comfortable in his own skin.
4. Read poetry.
5. There’s nothing wrong with looking at porn, but having sex with someone you care about is a thousand times more fun.
6. When you feel like crying, for joy or out of pain, let 'er rip. If you don’t get those tears out, they will calcify in your chest and make it harder to love as fully and deeply as you would like to.
7. Crank the tunes when you have to clean the house.
8. Look deeply into the eyes of the one you are falling for to get a glimpse of his or her soul.
9. Spend a chunk of time every year with people who are much less fortunate than you are. It will fill your heart with gratitude.
10. Never lie about anything really important. The first lie will cause you to have to lie again and again to cover up the truth. And each time you’ll chip away an important piece of yourself.
11. Find work that makes you happy. If you can change the world in the process all the better.
12. If you get the chance to travel across the country or across the globe, take it. You will learn way more from people who are different from you than the ones who are the same.
13. Doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. But you are going to make mistakes. Tons of them. The real question is what you will learn from them.
14. Don’t be in any rush to get married. Divorce really sucks. A good marriage can start when you’re 21 or 61.
15. There’s nothing wrong with a Cuban cigar once in a while.
16. Money and power look good, but they won’t fill your being with joy the way your family will.
17. If you like guys, I will fight for your ability to have equal rights in every way.
18. Find a way to move your body that gives you pleasure. You don’t have to be an athlete to be a man, but your body is a temple and you need to care for it, enjoy it, and use it to express yourself.
19. Drinking can be fun in moderation. Just make sure to ask for help if you find yourself blacking out or doing things you regret.
20. Radical honesty will get you very far in this world. Most people don’t have the guts to speak their mind, regardless of the consequences.
21. Always give your spouse birthday presents in bed.
22. Find a spirituality that you can wear like a loose coat that keeps you warm no matter the weather. God should provide you comfort not make you feel ashamed of yourself.
23. Sex is great but holding your spouse in the middle of the night is one of the best feelings any guy can have.
24. Live passionately. Dream big. Don’t back down.
25. Always remember I love you, no matter what happens. You cannot lose me. I will always be there.
-- Written by Tom Matlack for The Good Men Project
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Four and Five Months
Dear Lucas,
It's Christmas morning as I write this and you're already down for a nap. Santa was very generous to you and you spent the better part of your morning playing with your new toys.
I'm a little behind in your month-to-month letters. So here's a little update on your fourth and fifth months.
The last two months were busy ones for you. You learned to roll over, you're eating solids foods (rice cereal with pureed apples, bananas, pears and prunes), and chewing on everything. More and more you are finding your voice. You've learned to say "da-da-da" and "ma-ma-ma," though we are sure you don't equate them to us just yet. You're almost sitting up on your own and your favorite toy is your exersaucer.
We can hardly believe that just around the corner you'll be six months old. It seems as though this time has gone by so fast.
We were hoping you'd have a white Christmas, but no such luck. It's nearly 40 degrees today with clear skies and not a flake of snow anywhere.
Regardless, your first Christmas morning was a smashing success, even though you didn't get to wear your new holiday jammies because you spit up on them last night before we even got them all the way on you.
Love,
Mommy
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